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Different Style? Really?

I just tried wading through a web page that tried to describe all the different styles of tango. The writer did their best to define 'style' as a point of difference in dancing that creates a difficulty when dancing with someone with another point of difference, and there is no right way or wrong way, only different ways.
Well...I don't think so.
Some people like to compartmentalise themselves and other people into dance styles. It helps them feel better about their own dancing and gives them an excuse when they have difficulties dancing with someone ie "oh, it's just a different style", when really they don't even understand how their own dance works - let alone why they struggle to dance with someone else.
In my experience there are only two styles:
- Lead and follow (based on body mechanics)
- Nudge and guess (based on familiarity with one's partner, going to the same workshops or school, etc)
I want to write about this because we travel internationally for tango more than many people, and we see and hear the same lack of progress in every country. One's lead or follow is very close to one's pride and it's only rarely, for example, that a man will shyly ask if I have trouble leading a particular lady.
I think it's important to share experiences so that people have a fighting chance of moving their enjoyment of dance forward. Otherwise, like philosophy, it's 'like a blind man in a dark room looking for a black cat that isn't there.'
I didn't understand for the first few years of dancing tango why so many women in various countries over the years told me that my style was very different to other men, until I met Beth. "Oh, that's because you don't dance patterns. Most men dance the same pattern all night, every night, and it takes a song or two to learn it. I never know where you're going to lead me next which is why it's so interesting." I was stunned, because I thought that improvisation was the soul of tango and that everyone did it. Well, it's a lot like connection, that way. Every teacher's website talks about it, but we don't see a lot of it in our travels.
Since then I've heard and seen variations on this in every country that we've danced. Two couples will glide smoothly around the floor and look very nice until they change partners, at which point the stumbling begins and after 2 or 3 dances, sometimes never, things smooth out again.
Which means that either he's not leading, she's not following, or both.
When I watch people dance with each other I can usually see if there's a problem and why, just from the body mechanics. Similarly, when I dance with followers from these different 'styles' I figure out how best to dance with them based on their manner of connection, posture etc.
For example, if I'm 3-5 steps into a dance with a new partner and she's already changed weight on her own 3-5 times and shows only the most tenuous understanding of connection...then I'll scale back my expectation of our dance to leading (indicating?) something that she can guess ie very basic sequence-oriented steps with minimal improvisation and the emphasis firmly on repetition.
I'll try to help my partner relax and occasionally lead something a little different just in case it's only a case of nerves, but my experience is that many women in many countries dance this way, including professional dancers and both local and traveling teachers.
When in doubt I just remain smooth, turn my chest back and forth a bit and keep it simple so their guesses are as easy as possible. My partners usually enjoy this but...it's not really dancing, is it?
If she guesses less often and only changes her own weight occasionally then I have more opportunity to lead something that might be more interesting for both of us.
The times when it doesn't work so well is when I've failed to indicate something that they can guess, perhaps because I've danced with too many guessers already that evening, or they are focused on performing a sequence that they saw on YouTube, with or without me. Yes, this has happened to me.
I was asked recently by a follower how I would characterize my dancing and I replied, "I just want to be part of your body and move to beautiful music for 3 minutes."
If I want that to happen on a regular basis then I'll continue to put my faith in body mechanics, thanks.
Different style? I don't think so.

Here's Beth and me dancing to Donato and dancing to Jason Mraz' 'I'm Yours' at a fundraiser for the Wellington Children's Hospital.


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