Tango Life

I read and hear all kinds of tosh regarding tango etiquette by people who should know better. A few people have tried to shoe-horn things into Wellington tango over the years because "that's how they do it in Argentina." Most people have been too sensible for these ideas to take hold, but new people are made to worry far too much about this kind of thing. What those people and websites don't tell you is that it's not all roses in Argentina, especially for women. Women in milongas in BA are expected to sit and wait until a man comes within range, rather than move to a better location or walk around the room to improve their chances of getting a dance, as the men are able to do. Shall we import that one, too? And women leading? Not in BA unless you're at a gay milonga. The following is my view on a few of the etiquette standards that people try to introduce from time to time. I think that etiquette needs to fit our culture, otherwise we risk living in ...

Many people in many countries complain about tango politics and how the world would be a better place if everyone was simply a bit nicer to each other. A more constructive approach to politics is to accept that politics is part of everyday life, and concentrate on growing the local scene and developing natural friendships, rather than waiting for the arrival of a happy happy joy joy world. Every community of interest that has been around for a few years has politics, because people accumulate history with each other. Tango in Wellington has had politics for years. Salsa has had it for years, ballroom has had it for years, my sister's celtic music scene has had it for years. Politics are quite normal in communities of interest and the key is one's attitude toward reducing their harmful effects. In the early days of tango, anywhere, the scene is small and everyone tries to get along to varying degrees. This is a bit difficult because we can't be natural friends with ...

Travelling as much as we do we tend to see patterns repeating themselves in various cities around the world. One of these is Planet Teacher, a place of rarefied atmosphere where reality takes on an altered perspective. Another is the Top Table phenomenon. These two patterns tend to go hand in hand. It's an understandable human behaviour, but while they are good for the egos of those at their centres they don't do much for the development of the local dance scenes. There's not a lot of dignity in them, either. It's a really big deal for a lot of people to be seen as teachers. I've actually greeted people at our practicas and had them tell me in their first breath that they are a teacher from another town. It sounds a bit sad and needy, but there you go. Some of these people lose perspective by knowing more than someone else. They seem to feel that they have achieved membership of an elite, and we see many of them in various cities lose interest in dancing...

Patient reader, before continuing let me reassure you that most tango scenes are friendly. We travel for tango a great deal and have danced in many countries and, with a couple of notable exceptions, tango people are usually welcoming and sociable. However a recent email from a new friend in Massachusetts, an experienced dancer but new to tango, prompted a reply which resulted in this article. Building yourself a friendly, welcoming dance scene is quite do-able, and most people are very capable of doing so. There are some very simple rules: Don't dance with people who make you feel bad. Dance with the nicest smiles in the room. Treat everyone that you meet as a potential good friend. This is where the Natural Friends concept kicks in: if people are cold and snobby then it's easy to be offended and hurt, whereas if one mentally takes a step back and considers, "Wow! We are REALLY not meant to be friends!", then some of the heat is taken out of the hurt, there...